Is Your Discontentment in Singleness Distorting the Gospel?

I listened to a really great talk yesterday by Carolyn McCulley from a Desiring God conference back in 2004. Whether you're single or married (and hoping to encourage your single friends), I really encourage you to listen to it!

McCulley's talk got me thinking about the connection between our contentment in singleness and the gospel. She read a wonderful quote by C.J. Mahaney, "You're greatest need is not a spouse. Your greatest need is to be delivered from the wrath of God--and that has already been accomplished for you through the death and resurrection of Christ. So why doubt that God will provide a much, much lesser need? Trust His sovereignty, trust His wisdom, trust His love." If we really believe that our greatest need is to be delivered from God's wrath, and that has already been accomplished, shouldn't our lives be characterized by contentment and joy whether we're in a season of singleness or marriage or widowhood? Shouldn't we say along with Paul that we count all things "as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord" (Phil 3:8)?

Now please hear me out here. I don't want to come across as perfect or as better than any other woman.  I struggle with contentment in singleness just as much as the next girl. I think in some way all Christian women (and men) have to struggle and fight for joy in Christ (whether in singleness or marriage) because we live in a sinful and fallen world. We shouldn't be surprised by the unfulfilled longings we have because "our citizenship is in heaven" and so we must look forward to the day when Jesus "will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body" (Phil. 3:20-21)!

Yet, as I am around single women in the church, I often sense great discouragement from them about their lack of "prospects"or about their unfulfilled longing to get married. Many women seem to be in a constant state of discontentment waiting for that day and for the one. I'm thankful these women are honest and vulnerable about their struggles and I'm not saying they should pretend that singleness is always easy. We need to show non-believers (and believers) that yes, we are sinners too, and that yes, we have to fight for joy in Christ. But when I see women who are discontent in their singleness and are unable to find more joy in the final wedding day of the Bridegroom with His Church than their temporal wedding day, I grow concerned. What will the watching world think if we are unable to hope in Christ more than in marriage? Will the world really believe Christ is our Greatest treasure when marriage is our functional savior?

Again, ladies who are struggling, I don't condemn you. I just urge and plead with you to fight for joy in the gospel and to be thankful for your salvation. Let's show the watching world that Christ is our greatest treasure. He is greater than a wedding, romance, and finding the one; He is greater than registering for china, buying a home, and having children. Remember, "there are aspects of the beauty and worth and value and power of Christ that can only be seen when his saints treasure him in suffering above [all else]" (John Piper).

Single women, we have the privilege of using our gift of singleness to magnify Christ and to show Him as the Supreme Treasure! So instead of dreaming of the men we don't have, let's maximize our singleness and use it to serve the church and bring the gospel to the nations. Instead of distorting the gospel by idolizing marriage, let us magnify the gospel by hoping in Christ above all else!