Smiles and Save Face

This week has been one of those unexpectedly hard ones. I know it's only Monday, but I guess I'm really referring to the last seven days. Nothing has gone really wrong. But through a hard conversation, getting behind in a few things, trying to please people and have a "certain appearance," I'm reminded this week of my own weakness and sinfulness. I hate to admit it, yet so often as I examine my own heart I recognize how much my life really does revolve around what others think of me. I may be able to outwardly convince people of my confidence, strength, etc. and yet inwardly the Lord is pruning me and showing me my many imperfections. I listened to song today by Anna Vandas called "Smiles and Save Face" and was reminded of my need to give up perfectionism and strive for transparency with others. It's ok not to have it all together. It's ok to be messy, unbalanced, unsure, and confused sometimes. It's all right not to be the coolest, most athletic, most fun, most adventurous, funniest, or whatever other adjective you want to use. It’s ok to be inadequate and to make mistakes. As Matt Chandler simply put it, "It's ok not to be ok, but it's not ok to stay there." I can trust that God will use me because, as one of my roommates reminded me tonight, His Word equips us for every good work (2 Timothy 3:17).

I need to zoom out and have a reality check. So here goes…

In reality, life is so much bigger than me. Maybe that’s obvious, but do the meditations of our hearts really reflect that truth? Do I live in such a way that I am ever grateful for the salvation that was achieved for me on the cross? Do I respond in awe to the fact that I was once dead in my sins and transgressions and yet God, being rich in mercy, made me alive with Christ? I long for my life to make a difference in the kingdom of God. Sometimes my motives are mixed and I have that desire for my own glory and praise. Yet, it is my prayer that the Lord would give me an ever-increasing desire to see people from every, tribe, tongue and nation worship Him for the sake of His glory and praise alone.

Lord, help me not be so easily satisfied by other loves. In the end, whom do I have in heaven but Christ? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides him. My flesh and my heart may fail, by God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever (paraphrase of Psalm 73:25&26).