Paradoxes

Today was a good day. It was one of those refreshing/encouraging/convicting days. The Lord taught me so much through so many different things and different people. In our college leadership team meeting this afternoon, Jeremy read Romans 6 and I was reminded again of my own sin and my need for God's grace. He also shared a Valley of Vision prayer called "Paradoxes":

O CHANGELESS GOD,

Under the conviction of thy Spirit I learn that

the more I do, the worse I am,

the more I know, the less I know,

the more holiness I have, the more sinful I am,

the more I love, the more there is to love.

O wretched man that I am!

...Give me a broken heart that yet carries home the water of grace."

The Christian life really is a paradox. It's lived between sanctification and glorification. It's lived apart from the old self and yet not fully in the new self.

There are times when I find myself thinking that one day I will "reach" it, whatever "it" is. One day, when I've finished college (check), when I'm married, one day when I have children, or if I live in another country, one day... One day I'll reach the point where I'm full of wisdom and not really needy of God's grace. God continues to bring me back to the truth that on this side of heaven, I well never reach that day. He reminded me of that again tonight at a concert I went to by a great Christian artist, Laura Story. These are the lyrics to her song "Grace":

My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused. I see the things You do through me as great things I have done. And now You gently break me, Then lovingly You take me And hold me as my Father and mold me as my Maker.

I ask You: "How many times will You pick me up, When I keep on letting You down? And each time I will fall short of Your glory, How far will forgiveness abound?" And You answer: "My child, I love you. And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."

At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged, Knowing that someone, somewhere Could do a better job. For who am I to serve You? I know I don't deserve You. And that's the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on.

Be patient with me, Lord.

As I work with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means. The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary. So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You By giving up my life to You For all that You've given to me.